February 19, 2012, 6:37 pm
Filed under: Call of Duty, Challenges, MW3

I just spent an entire day (12+ hours!) trying to get that damn Wargasm title in MW3. All the info I find on the innertubes notes simply that it requires you get all three of your killstreaks within 20 seconds. As an aside, I hadn’t taken notice of the title until yesterday (christ, there are at least 2,230 freakin’ challenges in MW3. Gimme a break!). Besides, I was proud of my Highlander title (play an entire full-length match without dying)  so I was uninterested in what other titles signified. In any case, I noticed other combatants with the wargasm title, and after checking its requirements, I figured it seemed easy enough to nail. Well… au contraire, mon fryer (that’s Frogese for “not so, buffalo!”)

I tried it normally, running and gunning, and it seemed that I got it a few times, but no. So I went Hardline Pro and tried some more, carefully counting the moment I got my first killstreak reward. Still nothing. So I decided the 20-second countdown began with my first kill, rather than with my first killsteak reward, so I started counting down from that point. Still, nada.

By this time I am maybe six hours in to trying to achieve a title that will get me zero money and zero chicks, not to mention zero admiration from the 12-year-olds who regularly kick my ancient ass all over the maps and all have achieved Wargasm (now I know how some unfulfilled chicks feel… not that I know any of those types personally, you unnertand). Let’s not even talk about the horrifyingly bad k/d ratio I have acquired as a result. But do I give up? Nevah!

So finally it occurred to me (the next day, after once again being certain I’d just achieved Wargasm again with no farkin’ recognition from the friggin’ game) to check to see what category the Wargasm challenge is under. I go to my Elite page and voila! (more Frogese). Ya see, Wargasm is under the Intimidation category, which is not unlocked until level 70 (I’m on my 8th go-round in the Prestige lane, currently at level 68). Ah-fucking-HA!

So, briefly, and for the first time on the innertubes: You won’t achieve Wargasm (let alone mutual wargasm, a term I just invented, btw) until you get all three of your killstreak rewards within 20 seconds AND your level is at least 70.

You’re welcome.

Update: Sure enough, the very first match I played today after hitting level 70, I earned the following achievements: Wargasm, The Bigger They Are… and The Harder They Fall. Yes, it helped that every member of the opposing team appeared to be in the advanced stages of Alzheimer’s, but still. Boo-YAH. For the  Gots-To-Know crowd, my perks were Extreme Conditioning Pro, Hardline Pro, and Steady Aim Pro; my Assault Strike Package comprised UAV, Care Package, and I.M.S. (3,4 & 5 kills, respectively)